zondag 13 maart 2016

mind doodles under the sun

I feel the hay tickling between my fingers while the oh so familiar smell fills my heart with golden memories. The bunnies are playing in the garden. I watch them jump, run and play while I finish cleaning their little house. The weather is good today and it is what I needed. Mom and dad are also working in the garden and it feels like it used to. Spring is coming.

"Mom?"
"Yes?"
"Can we make pancakes tonight? It would finish this day off perfectly."
"Oh, sure!"

Yes, now it is perfect.
I set myself down in the grass. It's still a little wet but the warmth of the sun is making up for it. I watch my bunnies go crazy and while I'm smiling because of it I think of the things that are happening in my life.
My job is going well. I love the children at the daycare centre and I miss them when I'm not at work.
I make things for them and prepare surprises and activities. I love it. I photograph them and post them on the facebook page and it makes me feel full. Because it is what I do. I photograph life and I feel lost when I don't.
But then again, I feel like a marionette. A mainstream part of society. I work for someone else now and my blog, drawing, story making and photographing is falling behind because of it. My dreams are pushed aside so I feel like all the others. "I have no time. Busy busy busy." The typical.

I cuddle Kato, my little crazy fluff ball while my mind wanders further off.

Change is making its way up to me again and I realize how hard it is on me every time.
T is preparing himself to move to his own place (he lives with me and my parents now) and I will join him later.
For me it is as exiting as it is frightening.
Will it change our relationship? Will it get weaker, stronger? Am I overthinking? Probably.

I make the dough while mom prepares the pans. T hugs me from behind and tells me he loves me. I love him too. I am so grateful to be able to love.